Sharraap! You Are Kwarrapt




Wahala full ground remain for this we country, gan. Nor be the other day, as we just siddown jejeje de watch teevee for my friend house, somebody want break down him door sake of say him de knock?

Ah-ah, na which bagga de knock for person door like that sef? Both me and my friend and everybody wey dey for inside house begin de hala gan. Na which idiot be that sef?

“Open that door, now!”

Shuoh! For person house again dem take de order am just like that? Lai-lai o. na him me I come hallah, gan: “If dem born you well, make you touch that door again. Thunder fire you there!”

The next thing wey we hear for door na gbosaah! Tiri olopa wey nor wear uniform just burst in. Onoda one dey for door, just de point gun for everybody face: “If you move, I fire you.” So, everybody just chill for where him siddown.

At first, we been think say na armed robber dem o. But dem wear bullet-proof follow body. Anyway, anybody can wear anything these days, sha. Uniform, na cloth, na tailor de sew am, nor be so?

“Where is he?” dem oga come shout.

“Where is who?” my friend come answer am back.

“Sharraap!” oga come shout back.

“Alright, if I sharrap, now, how I want take answer ya question?”

The next thing wey I hear, na heavy tuwai, for my friend face. One come nack am him gun for head, join: “Foolish man, you sabi speak grammar, when I’m talking, you’re talking, bah?”

Me, I just de spark for inside, like ‘tali-bum-bum’ fish. But as I dun sight gun na, how for do? I come chill extra, like ice-fish.

The one wey nack my friend gun for head come push am fall for chair. Dem come surround am:

“Oya, where did you hide the snake?”

“Which snake?”

Onoda tuwai, for him face.

Na him my friend come charge like bull, come wrestle dem oga fall for ground. Him come de shout like person wey just craze, newly.

“Una de craze? Who una be sef, abi una be armed robber? See as una come force una self enter my house, come de beat me join…wetin I do una?”

By this time, the oga dun manage stand up, collect handcup for him waist, come handcup me and my friend, together. Everybody for parlour just froze, fear nor gree dem raise face sef. Dem begin de push we two go outside as we just de protest. Wetin we do, na him persin just nor sabi. The only thing dem tell we be say when we reach dem station, we go sabi.

Na so dem push we enter motor o, come de go. Abi na Ee-Efu-wetincall, dem want carry we de go be that?

As we reach the place, some senior oga for there dun de wait sef, like vulture wey see dead bodi. Market dun land. Shege!

“Sir!” The small oga wey carry we come, stand at attention, come salute the senior oga. These are the criminals.

My friend come protest again, come shout, begin de abuse dem for dem own station there, gan. Him come tell dem say dem must to be smoking wee-wee. If not, how you go just enter persin house wey you never sabi before, handcup am, begin de arrest am?

“Sharraaaap! You are kwarrapt,” the senior oga for office come hallah.

“How, you sabi me before?” my friend hallah back.

The oga come turn round give order.

“Corporal, put these criminals in the guardroom.”

“Yes sir.”


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