Mr. Official Ghost

Olorogun
1544

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Meanwhile, dem been dun collect we handset o, everything-everything, seize am for counter, kpakaam! So, how for do? Baad people! As we waka, kurukere, de go enter cell so, na him God come do him magic. Person just hala my name from far:

“Olorogun…Olorogun!”

Ah-ah, na my name I come hear so, ke. Na wetin come happen? I begin turn, slowly, in case  na onoda olopa wan’ increase my wahala for me. Abi, how any of them want take come sabi my name sef, dem be oracle? I come de wonder o. Abeg, make I come begin de waka de go my cell, jejeje.

“Olorogun!”

This time around, the voice come familiar. As I turn so, na who I come see? Ah, this we God nor de sleep o. Like play-play, na Captain Willy, my classmate for primary school, for Sapele, wey be officer for army dem cantonment, na him I just sight, just like that! Abi him hold juju? How manage him come know say I dey here, nearly dun enter cell, sef?

“Wetin happen?”

Him say him been de return from somewhere, come sight crowd for Ikorodu Road. Then, as him relook, him come see my motor. But before holdup let am reach that side, we dun waka. Him send him people to go research wetin happen, nor be him some Area Boys wey dey around for there, tell am say the man wey get the motor kill person, na him olopa carry everybody go station.

Then, Captain Willy come ask me, “Where the dead body of the man wey dem say you kill nau, abi  dem dun carry am go for mortuary?”

I come turn, come point the jankara man for my back, “Na him de waka de follow me so, for back.”

Captain Willy come surprise, pass anything: “Ah-ah, you kill am finish, him come stand up come de waka de follow you, follow body again? Abi ghost dun official for police station, now?”

“Na so olopa talk o,” I come reply, “me, I never see person wey die finish, before, come stand up. This na my first eye be this o.”

“So, wetin really happen? Oya, Mr. Official Ghost, talk jor,” Captain Willy come hala.

I notice say the whole station come stand still. Both the coprah when de carry we go for cell o; the sergeant o; we, the accuse o, everybody just froze for one corner, as Captain Willy come knack him question. Meanwhile, the coprah leg sef dun de shake, for ground, giri-giri. Sotay, even Shakespeare sef, never shake reach so.

For where ! Mr. Official Ghost nor see road, kobo, how much more answer question. Him never recover from the push, wey I push am for Ikorodu Road, not to talk of the slap wey olopa just wayaram for station.

Opari. Olopa dun buy market today. Even sef, na better, original wahala dem just buy so. Willy, na bulldog we been de call am for school before him even smell army. Now, plus army, with all these him backmen dem, wey be like Incredible Hulk, na die o. Fun time dun land. These yeye olopa dem think say dem fit waste my time for nothing? Whosi’e! My God dun catch dem. Yeye de smell. Olopa oshi.

Captain Willy come order everybody back to the counter – both coprah o, both the Mr. Official Ghost o, both everybody around. As we reach counter, first thing wey I notice be say the oga sergeant for desk dun disappear, tay. How him manage vamoose so, na the number eight wonder, for the world. In fact, all the policeman for that station, just disappear, one hand. So, apart from the only two policewoman wey siddown with sergeant for counter, before-before, all the uniform just melt away like ice!

Then, the last wonder. Nobody notice, as this miracle want happen. Before Captain Willy turn to ask the coprah, the next question, the man dun reach their gate side, de fly like this kite wey small pikin dem de take play. I come think say, why Naija de find person wey go win gold for us, for Olympic? Usein Bolt sef never start! Whaaat? This coprah sabi fly, abeg.

Me, I jus’ collap for ground, nearly die for laugh. Fiam, I just forget all the wahala wey this people put me for neck, for nothing. Sotay, even the policewoman dem, too, join us for laugh this flying coprah.

Case close, no appeal! Na so olopa dem plan to take we make fast change come scatter, patapata. Even the oga DP-wetincall, nobody hear anything from him side. Mr. Official Ghost nko? Lai-lai, nor be my motor him go ever enter again. Yeye man. If him nor see lift, make him fly, or waka back to Ikorodu Road, that one nor consine me at all. After all, ghost nor de enter motor.

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