INEC Dun Catch Babanla Mugu



E get one washerman donkey for near we area those days, for Warri, when we been small, wey him own mumu wear cap, gan. The man mumu sotay, people just de giam work to helep am chop, sake of make hunger nor kuku kill am troway for nothing.

Those days be say make you nor ever make the mistake say you giam white cloth to go wash – you know say we people too like white, with red cloth dem – because when the cloth return back for ya hand, if you still lucky, e must to dun change colour, somehow. If e nor change colour to brown, e fit black patapata, sef.

Na so e be sotay people come decide to create onoda job for am. So, as far as na washerman donkey him kuku be, make him de helep wash anything washable. Example, car dem, dog, sweep house and wash am; even goat and ram dem sef, wey dem want sell for market, echetaram, echetaram.

But ‘e get one man for we neighbourhood, wey get like two horse and one donkey. The man na big man, gan, so him pikin dem nor fit do that kind job of washing horse dem, with donkey, all join. So, him need person for de do that odd job for him household. Nor be him one Baba go meet the money man tell am say e get one washerman donkey for we area, wey fit handle the job, fine-fine.

As soon as the Mr. Money hear the news, him ear come expand, small. The thing wey him de find go Sokoto, dun land for him shokoto-trouzis. In fact, as soon as the man hear that donkey wey join him professional name, matter finish be that. The washerman go truly sabi handle donkey dem, well-well, nor be small. You nor see now, how name come fit him owner?

Yes-oh. Na that kind eye INEC (abi wetin dem de call dem?) take de look Nigeria since all this come-and-go government dem, wey be like NEPA. Dem go come, dem go, go; dem go make noise, spark gan, (like NEPA) then, when dem dun stay like tiri years, dem go come dull, like half current. Useless, NEPA government dem!

Wallahi, INEC dun see we finish! All dem chairman dem, na corner-corner pipo. Sotay, one, him name come resemble the wuruwuru wey him de do. Onoda one come want resemble all those angel pikin dem wey nor de see bad thing, lai-lai – cherub, abi wetin dem de call them. But na smooth face crook, gan because, as him name take be, na so him take jaga-jaga and dambaru everything. If him carry old table, as example, him go dress am fine-fine, clean am, polish am, sotayyy…then, him go come dress am with white cloth. If dem swear for you say dem nor buy that table brand-new from London, you go say na lie.

Na so INEC take hook this we Nigeria for blokoss reach o. No leave, no transfer, like dem Big Brother Naija sambarri. INEC dun look and relook Naija pipo come see say all we, na original mumu. Everything for INEC na e dey, or e nor dey, at the same time, depending on how situation take be.

So, if dem do America wonder finish, patapata, na tribunal you de waka go chuke head. If you make too much noise before that time, dem go tell you say, “Ogbeni, make you sharrap o, otherwise, we go take we card reader and server nab you, one hand. So, sharrap!” Shakara. Machine kor, mechanic nii.

Isorite. After the election, nko. No agreement; tribunal, straight! For tribunal, matter go come get ‘V’ plus ‘K’ leg, all join. Server nko o? For wia? Where you go see am? No time wey dem tell you say dem get server o. So, na empty grammar you just de speak so. Na you sabi where you from see any server, buy. Shuoh! No wonder Fela sing say Government Magic pass America Wonder dem own, sef.

Nothing person nor fit see for this we Nigeria, since some people kuku rename we, Naija. Those days when we been small, we de hear lawyer pipo de talk say, “law is an ass, law is an ass”. But na different tory for we country now o, since Nigeria dun turn to Naija. Nowadays, na Nigeria (abi Naija) come be ass, like that washerman donkey, while him de follow-follow law for back.

God forbid bad thing! INEC dun see we country finish o. Naija, na INEC him washerman donkey we kuku be now o. Anyhow dem like now, dem go push Naija de go. We own na to follow, joroh-jarah-joroh. Original, mumu zombie.

In fact, make everybody de be careful nowaday o. Anybody talk anyhow, now, INEC fit swear affidavid say ya wife, nor be you get am again. Then, you go do ya own small grah-grah, say you de go court, abi tribunal. INEC go just laugh you one yeye, long laugh, troway leg for ground, gbagaah!

You want follow fish go swim for water, wey be him original hometown, abi? Foolish, yeye, original, washerman donkey. Continew. Sleep go belleful dead man.

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