Wonder nor go ever finish for this we country, sha. Before-before, I been think say na only armed robber dey wear mask o. But nowadays I tire o. A whole government olopa, nor be say na ordinary olopa sef, de cover face. Why na?
Nor be today-today this thing start sef. Some years ago, na so we stand-stand for bus stop, for Ojuelegba, one hot afternoon like that, de wait bus. Shay be una sabi as katakata de ever dey for Ojuelegba sha, even if nothing special de happen? People come full everywhere, like say na troway, dem troway dem like san’-san’.
People come de go everywhere at the same time, as Fela take am sing, one time, like that. If na east you face o, north o, west o, for south o, na so people full, everywhere. On top this, nko? Danfo, Molue, all kind motor dem, plus including okada, keke, omolanke pusher, everything. Nor be small confusion.
Suddenly, everywhere cut into two! I nor go fit talk say I really sabi wetin happen this hot, dusty afternoon. All I know be say, all of a sudden, people begin shout, de run, up and down. You dun ever see where million of people de run at the same time? Me sef join. As I want take off, like this, one woman wey fat pass hippopotamus, like this, dey my front and I nor quick see am. She sef nor fit lift one leg, how much more run. I just jam am gbosaaah!
As I fall troway for one corner, one fast boy just match me for yansh, pass, like say na breeze carry am de go, so. Thank God say nor be for head, or belle, him match me sha. When I manage stand up, I nor even remember my bag, not to talk of the phone and my money dem, wey dey inside. I just de fly de go serere, like Emirates dem plane. Before I kuku remember to stop and ask wetin happen, I dun nearly reach Lawanson.
“Oh, my bag, my phone, my money, my…” Na so I just de cry, de go, like small pickin. Which kind wahala come be this, for God’s sake? How I wan take do now and how I want take reach my house? Wetin even happen, wey make I de run like kangaroo, like this? By now, I dun stop to run, patapata. I just stand beside one filling station, de think to myself, as I see plenty people de waka de come from Ojuelegba side. I just clean up, pretend, like say I nor follow run.
Small time, one young guy waka de come, kurukere, kurukere. All him body, everywhere – him trouser and him shirt – come dirty, fallah-fallah, from dust. Na him I come approach am, come ask am wetin happen, wey make everybody de run for Ojuelegba:
“Bros, wetin happen for yonder, wey make everybody de run come, so?”
Him come look me, relook me again:
“Nor be you I see for yonder wey de run like antelope wey lion de porshoe, wey fall yakata? You lucky say nor be that fat woman match you for belle, gan.”
Chai! So this bobo been notice me well, well, sotay, him even see say I jam fat woman wey nor even shake body small, like say anything been touch am. God know how many people for dun notice me for this Ojuelegba show, today. Oghene meee! Na proper shame, na him come catch me next, I tell you!
The bobo get long mouth, gan. As I wan’ waka commot for him side, him come punch me one final one, “You nor sabi wetin happen, you come de run anyhow…olodo…”
This time, I come spark gan. Nonsense boy, abi him nor sabi say I be Warri boy? Make I stand, de look wetin happen first before I vamoose, then come carry last? God forbid bad thing. So, if na die-die matter, na so man pickin go take quench so?
“You sef wey dun reach here, na-na-na, na Ojuelegba be this place? Why you nor kuku stay there, die put?”
“See him mouth, wetin want kill me for inside the matter, ordinary olopa wey carry dem own gun de waka dem own, jejeje?
Ah, so na olopa been cause all this confusion? No wonder. The guy man been talk say tiri SARS officer dem wey be like say dem dey for operation, wear mufti, carry big, big guns dem, then come cover dem face with black mask. As dem surface so, na him some people think say na armed robber dem, come begin de run. Some bold agbero dem wey de shout, “ole, ole”, come de come from onoda side, to come grab the SARS officer dem, collect dem gun, na him one of dem come shoot for air. Opari. Everywhere come kukuma scatter, finally.
But which one be say police wey de do undercover work and because of that come wear mufti, go carry big guns again? On top all that, come wear mask join? Abi dem be armed robber, true-true? If na true say dem de do undercover operation, then dem suppose to just wear mufti and carry small, small gun for dem pocket, wey nobody go know who dem be sef. Otherwise, why dem go dress like armed robber, come de scare innocent Nigerians? Like say that four-ton woman been match me for belle as I fall down for ground, that time, my own never finish for nothing, be that?
Na so, the other day, government olopa dem, come cover face like Ojuju Calabar, waka go enter National Assembly, to go scare we big men for dem office o. Can you imagine? Like say katakata come burs’ like that Ojuelegba own, na who for helep them carry all dem agbada, as dem de run? And if the fat ones come fall the slim ones for ground, come match them for belle nko?
Na wah o. Authorities suppose look into this matter of olopa dressing like armed robber, I swear. Make we for nor go get heart attack for road, for nothing. I take God beg una o.