The other day, as ampul hungry me reach, ha him I say make I branch for Shoprite, buy some. As I come reach there, wetin I see? Diffren-diffren things wey we dun de chop for here before-before, like yam dem, egg, potato, tomato, pepper, banana, echetaram, echetaram. But wetin come wonder me na the new condition of these food items dem.
As I see yam sef, I nor fit recognise yam again o. For we market where we been de go buy yam before this oyinbo own come enter market, the kind sand-sand wey you go see for the yam bodi, dem go fit take am build small kitchen for backyard, sef. The small-small roots for him bodi, nko o? Na helele.
But this oyinbo yam for Shoprite be like say dem bath am like small pikin, gan. Dem clean, cha-cha-cha. As e smooth reach, you go think say na fruit wey dem want chop for mouth, direct. The difference clear pass 7Up sef.
The egg dem, nko? Oh my God! Those days when we been de buy egg for market, when egg be original Nigerian egg, the shit for the bodi of those egg dem alone go nearly make you nor want look am like something wey dem go kuku put for mouth. God forbid bad thing! Who de find fertilizer for that time, to take grow pepper for him backyard nor need to waka far from we egg dem.
Anyway, the one wey surprise me pass be say dem all wear cloth and dem kuku get stamp for bodi. Every egg get that stamp for bodi wey oyinbo de call label. As I waka reach make I collect like one-one ampul to chop, nor be him I see say dem gather them like six-six, come wear dem all cloth together, plus the stamp wey dem carry for bodi. Chai, oyinbo get sense. As you see the something like that and him sweet for eye, if dem tell you say make you pay extra, you nor go do so?
Dem dun first talk am say, “image is everything” and na for oyinbo shop I really sight am say, true-true, na so e be. Can you imagine? Oyinbo nor de farm yam, but the yam wey dem de sell better pass we own wey de farm the something. Now, dem de kuku tell us say, even for we own something, we never start sef. Shuoh!
But wetin come de worry we sef? How e be say ordinary small thing wey we fit do, to clean sand-sand for yam bodi then wash am, before we sell am to onoda person wey de even pay we money to buy am, cook am and chop for him own mouth, we nor fit do? Abi dem born we, born dirty?
I never see anything for this world wey oyinbo de sell, wey nor get stamp for bodi. And whenever you see any product for dem shop, whether na yam o, wey be say na we de farm am for here, when dem package am finish, you go get confidence say, yes, this product na original. Meanwhile, na for we backyard here dem harvest the yam o.
I remember one time like this wey I been de travel go Warri, for see my people. As we de go o, go-go-go, for road, na him hungry come de fire my belle like say na for inside there, the driver de fire him engine. As him de fire the engine de go, na so my belle come de sing, “Oh paradise, oh paradise…” Chai, na go man pickin been de go so o.
Unfortunately again, the vehicle come break down for somewhere along the road and we never even reach Ore sef. Nor be him all passenger come down and me begin de look whether I fit see anything to chop. Na him some small-small boys and girls come waka come. Dem carry many different things for sell, so I come call the one wey carry banana.
God forbid bad thing! Wetin my eye come see so? Na some yellow-yellow something like this wey come dry, kpa-kpara-kpa, come resemboo old woman breast:
“Na this thing you de call banana?” I come halla.
“Oga na banana na.”
I come re-look the boy, as him and him so-called banana come resemboo wetin de commot for monkey yansh. One passenger wey buy am sake of hunger come say e be like say him lick Super Glue. Na so him mouth come de gum-gum. Banana kor, bulala nii. Na him I come remember one time wey I been buy banana for Shoprite.
Chai! Come see banana wey yellow like correct Calabar sisi, come sweet for eye! All him bodi na stamp, come coole for mouth like ice cream. Now tell me why person go leave this kind banana, go de buy anwuranwu with him money. Abi dem bind us from to do better thing and organise we self? Na commonsense, abeg, nor be say na winch oyinbo chop. Make we try respect we self o, join hand do correct business. Nor be say we go dey here, foreign-foreign people go de collect better business for we hand, sake of say we big men nor fit form big company together.