Just imagine! China dun pafuka this wonderful car wey dun dey this we Naija, tay-tay. Na the car my friend papa dun use since 19-before-the-war, wey we be all small pikin, de run around kurukere-kurukere, with our wetin-call de ring alarm bell for we waist.
My friend papa love this car, die. And na so the car strong, kakaraka. Him use the car sotayyy, when him die, dem nearly put survived by his beloved car, for the list of “survived by”, for him obituary. After all, we dun see, before, for the list of “survived by”, where dem put “survived by so and so – deceased, USA”. Oh-hoh! Abi that one nor be “survived by”, too? Person wey dun die tay, de survive somebody wey just die, too. God forbid bad thing!
So, when my friend finish for university, come get work, na that same Toyota CORONA him go buy – like father, like son. And this new version na original mekeh, for waka. Na so e go just de flow de go like water, for express. Everybody come de admire this car wey white, cha-cha-cha, like anything.
So, na wetin come happen, now? Shay una see as bad thing de take harass person wey nor de find trouble? Since last month now, we notice say anywhere wey my friend park that car, na so everybody go de avoid am. Ah-ah, say wetin happen? Before-before, when him park this car, na so small pikin dem go rub-rub the body sotay, na almost every tiri days my friend de go car wash.
Yesterday, we been go one supermarket for near him area to go do shopping. And na there we been de do shopping from time imo river o. For that same spot, too, na there we been de park. Nor be him we park do shopping finish, as we come out, serious katakata de shele for outside, near we car. Say wetin happen?
Na one small boy o, wey dem say him name na Musa, with him friend, go relax for the body of my friend motor, de gist, de laugh, for themself. Na him Baba Musa come from him veranda, come sight wetin him pikin and him friend de take dem body de rub for all over my friend motor. Musa him papa go small school so him fit read wetin dem write for the motor body – Toyota CORONA!
Now, finally, this yeye boy with coconut head and alligator lizard brain, want put am for trouble, bah? Him must to teach am lesson today and him go take him eye see him ear today, today, sha, as him nor want hear word, hear say one bad sickness called, CORONA, dun de shele for China and everybody must not only avoid Shinese, but anything wey connect with that dreaded name, of that dreaded disease.
So Baba Musa come emerge from him house with long koboko for hand, come thrash him son sotayyy, the boy nor fit remember him name again sef. Yeye boy wey nor de hear word, him want bring Shinese Corona come spread for him compound by all means, possible. Meanwhile, Musa friend dun fly like bullet, vamoose from the scene, kia-kia.
Hmmm, this corona-wetin virus, him matter dun strong so, for town o. Everybody just de look everybody else, one kind, these days. After all, dem nor de write the sickness for face, na only the one wey dem write for motor person fit see, like that my friend Toyota Corona. So even as him papa use the motor come pass the example to am, ‘e nor mean again. Person nor fit trust anything, anyhow again, nowadays.
Na so me self go my neighbourhood shop the other day, the usual shop wey I de buy anything wey I need. As I come approach the shop, I come notice from afar, say ‘e be like say one ‘yellow fever’ de buy something for inside there, too. Na him I wait, come re-sight am again because that shopper resemboo oyinbo. Ah, make ‘e nor be who I de think o! But anyway, this one tall and from side, him face be like say ‘e handsome.
But as oyinbo talk, “a stitch in time saves nine.” In fact, for this kind world of today, a stitch in time fit save one thousand, sef. So as me nor sure, I get to do something wey go make this oyinbo to turn him face, make I for sure, well-well. So, I come look around for something to do, come notice one small pikin wey dey around.
Poor pikin! Him nor kuku do me anything o, but I just shout on am with heavy voice, so everybody for the shop come turn. Aaah, the yellow fever na Chinko man o, as I see him eye. Shinese ke! Wetin you de find for we shop? I think say, dem say, una go festival for una country. And this one dun quick recome back na-na? Holy Ghos…faya!
Na fly, I fly commot for that area ni, and I never near that shop side since last week. Una de find who una go coronise, for korokoro daylight, just like that. I cast and bind all of una. Make una carry una wahala go una country o.